opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
