why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
