I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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