I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
