he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
