Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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