If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
