my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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