I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
