Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
