Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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