I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize