Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
