I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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