I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
