After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
