you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
