ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
