have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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