i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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