She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
