ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
