my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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