Rock
Scissors
Fuck
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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