Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
