were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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