she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
