last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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