Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
