before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize