ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
