I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
