Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
