I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
