Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I believe in your delicious
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
