I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
