guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
