they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
