my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
