I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
