she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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