Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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