I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Couch. On fire.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
