I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
