So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
