it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
this just has baby written all over it
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
