Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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