so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
