made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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