before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
