hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
