forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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