there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
