D3 body, D1 cock
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
