Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
