Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
