Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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