i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
