where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
