He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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