Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize