finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
