i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
