Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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