Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
