I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize