sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
