I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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