so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
