We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
