I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
